I Believe In My Recovery

The mental health system can keep people sick

I’ve had several diagnoses over the years including alcohol and drug abuse, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. I take a very low dose of antidepressant and don’t know if it helps really. I have gained weight and wonder if it caused me to have hypothyroidism.

When I was in active treatment I seemed to get worse. It was years ago and nothing close to what is available now. I got so many different diagnoses during those years. I went from drinking and street drugs to learning effects of meds. I discovered that a drug like Thorazine was a way to eliminate feelings and the rage I was experiencing. I learned the symptoms to report and got that drug. Mental health back then seemed more enabling. However I do remember that I felt that the mental health system kept people sick.

I am in charge of my life

My recovery is all about me being responsible for me. I don’t have to be told what to do — in my gut I know what I need. I see my recovery from substances as the start of my learning to be independent and to own my own power. I see myself as a person who sometimes needs help by talking with a therapist but then I stop when that challenge subsides. I am in charge of my life! I am parenting my kids based on my own values and convictions, and I am working and capable even during times when I feel sick. My recovery is my choice.

Hope never dies

Hope never dies; we do recover. For me the help came from others who have lived it. Surround yourself with affirming messages until you start to believe, and never quit.

I went to college and have been abstinent from substances since 1992. My twins have never known me so sick that I used drugs or alcohol, or was hospitalized for depression. My kids and I have lived in the same home for 16 years. I know I can go back to counselling any time I need to without losing all of my accomplishments. I don’t completely withdraw from life even when I am tempted; the outside responsibilities I treasure pull me out. I don’t use drugs to deal with my depression and anger anymore even when I wish I could. I stand for what I believe in today even though it isn’t always popular. I am not a follower and I am not afraid anymore; even at my lowest moments I believe in my recovery.